bile

yesterday we had grapes as part of the kids' breakfast. marge turned to me while eating them and said that she liked grapes and that they help her calm down. i told her that i love grape juice and that grapes are good for you. she agreed and turned back to watch tv. about ten seconds later, she yelled "grapes!" and held them up. i thought that was funny.

on a side note, everything in my life here is crumbling at a staggering rate.

air force fun

ahahahahahahahahaahahah! our government is so dumb. one of our clients (a nine year old girl) said that she is going to blow up our building when she gets out. she said that if we die, that's our problem. she also said that she was going to kill the president and that she would become the first kid president ever! i immediately laughed and imagined a highlander scenario. if kids are president, we'd have cocoa puffs for dinner! screaming would be the national anthem and bed wetting would be mandatory. twizzlers would also be the national currency and we'd live in bounce houses.

anyways, the funny part about this is that her doctor was legally obligated to call the fbi. we were supposed to have a secret service agent who's last name sounded like root beer come and interrogate a tiny girl. agent root beer didn't come and i was glad because it was pathetic and i didn't want my tax dollars to pay for the gas that would have got him there.

work fight

so tonight really sucked and every staff got assaulted. kids are crazy! four totally different kids entered the office tonight and two were held inside of it. that never happens! i was told that the last time it did, there was a full on riot of kids v. staff.

i got punched in the face and kicked where it counts a few times today. i think i handled it much better than i naturally would. the girl who punched me in the face has chubby knuckles, and i think that padded the blow. she hit me right in the mouth, but it doesn't hurt. i think i am also ok because i am 7/8 badass. that was the first time i had ever been punched in my life. it was kind of exciting!

words of the day: punch, restraint, blood, vomit, urine, niggle

wants vs. needs

mimosas.



bridges.



traffic.

ting tang walla walla bing bang

i have a question. as i was driving down one of our cornerstones of sophistication (82nd ave), i saw a dirty grown up store. it said "erotic books, magazines, movies, lingerie, shoes." what is an erotic shoe? a sandal? nikes with weiners on the shoelaces? i'm trying to figure this out. maybe i need to go in and say "one erotic shoes please." actually, i am thinking of a lot of gross ways a shoe could be erotic. porns is big business. i should get some of these patented.

droppin treats on em

wanted

it's the tired puppy olympics

bronze (grip champion)

silver (danger taster)

gold (survival expert: utilizing fake death and camouflage skillset)