Wednesday, December 31, 2008

coyote eggs

well, this is my last entry of the year. it is weird for me to think that i have been here for a year and it still feels new. i guess that can be good and bad. oh well.

i had a dream last night. it was about me being in an awesome band that i really enjoyed, but for some reason, it still kind of sucked. i found out that it was because there was a giant native american guy that scared all of my bandmates. it scared me that they were all scared of him. i tried to get them to fight back, but they were all to intimidated by him. i was later driving on the freeway with someone in my band and this indian dude was chasing us. he was in an old blue pickup. i tried to lose him by taking an off ramp really fast, and he fell for it, but then backed up on the freeway and took the same off ramp. after almost running me off the freeway, i got super pissed and stopped the car.

my passenger was really scared and i think he wet his pants. i am also pretty sure we were in arizona, but i've never been there before so i guess it was my perception of arizona. well we got out of the car and so did he. i punched him right in the face and knocked him out. i dragged him to the back of his pick up truck and put him in the bed. my band guy was excited now and we put the indian guy on the bed, with his head hanging over the tailgate. the indian guy was starting to wake up, so i had my accomplice hold his arms and legs while i stepped on his face until his head came off and fell on the street.

so waking up was interesting.

not fail

Thursday, December 25, 2008


i got your voicemail, wolfgang. thanks.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Monday, December 22, 2008

ok whatever

it is still snowing.

and we got a puppy at home.

that's about it.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


i have been thinking about you much more than i should be. and i haven't made any progress on our pact.

snowflake city

yeah, i'm still awake. s is banupnups around here. there is snow everywhere! especially where it doesn't belong, like roads and in my face. every dog i have seen though, loves playing in the snow. i think that having a tail and playing in snow is a pretty good combination most of the time. being snowed in is kind of weird. it gives me a slight glimpse of what the kids who i used to work with have to go through. not having freedom to go where you want isn't cool. i don't like it.

you know what is cool though? the movie "let the right one in". it is a swedish cinema. i didn't think swedes really did anything but i guess someone there made a movie. real hard. it is about a vampire kid, but not garbage like twilight probably is. this kid is brutal and loves to drink bloods. maybe i'll try to see it again tomorrow. or i'll get wasted. that bum on the bus who was drinking orange listerine had the right idea. well kind of. he didn't have the right idea when he was yelling about how he is an animal who pisses when his face was like three feet from my face. i didn't like that idea.

a question. is there ever an appropriate time or place to eat corn nuts?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

chaos is fair

did you know it?

Monday, December 15, 2008

it's so cold in the d

i woke up this morning to some people outside yelling "he's bleeding!" "oh my god!" and "we need to get him to the hospital!". i jumped out of bed to see what was going on and saw a couple carrying a little one into their house. they were followed by two other little ones. i hope everything is ok.

Sunday, December 14, 2008


today was the second time in my life seeing snow fall. it is awesome. i want a house with huge windows in my bedroom so that i could watch the snow fall from my bed. being in snow isn't super fun, though. it was my first time driving in it and i saw five accidents and a lady ran her car into mine at an intersection. her car was sliding and it was happening very slowly. i knew i was going to get hit and i just slightly braced myself. my driver side door is kind of f'd up now.

i hung out with wolfgang and her friend chloe last night. we had fun i think. i have found that i don't question myself as much as i used to. maybe i should more. regardless, it was good times with good people.

(12/19 edit: "talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself." -friedrich nietzsche)

Friday, December 12, 2008


this guy is totally my doppelganger. maybe one person in the world will get it. and she doesn't read this.

with all due respect...

this month is one of experiences. i had to say goodbye to coworkers and it was sad. i still read my old works' emails to see how things are going while i am at my new job. but my new job is pretty cool. i get to organize visits and have a few kids that i work with one on one. i also get a work phone. i'm such an f'n pro now.

being a pro kind of sucks a little though. i have to get up much earlier now and i get home at like seven. it's weird. i have gone like six years without really eating breakfast and i am not used to eating it. also, getting sleepy at six o' clock is outrageous.

i went to the festival of lights the other night. basically it is a little grove that is dipped in christmas. a bunch of the trees have lights and there are cool light figures. a bad part about this is that it is run by christians. they rep real hard. i was shadowing a visit and it was me, a co-worker, and their kid who really likes me i hear.

now while i don't mean to get on a digital soapbox, but i guess this is the place to do it. i think a funny thing about most religions is that they exploit natural human kindness. i was nice to everyone i met, even though i didn't want to be a lot of the time. a christian might say that i was acting very christian but i thought i was acting very bryan.

we went to see the chorus singers and they were in a church. when i was walking in an elderly lady told me to take off my hat. i begrudginly did, but before we entered, the client said that he didn't want to go in. he was kind of standing in the way of the entrance and a
little slow to move. the girl on the other side of the glass door said "you could get out of the way" and shortly laughed. i had unchristian thoughts. my first plan was to punch through the glass door, grab her head, and rub her neck along the shards. a millisecond later i caught myself and figured that this plan wasn't a great life choice. instead, i asked my little buddy to follow me out of the way.

the experience really made me think about how judeo-christian believers might think about the kids i work with. i mean sure, i'm going to hell because i don't believe in magic carpenters, but what the s are they doing to make things better? ringing bells outside safeway? i think about the kids that were raped when they were two, witnesses to incredible acts of violence, beaten, burned, disfigured, born with incurable diseases, molested, and mentally unstable. no omnipitent presence intervened. and none will ever erase their pasts. they have more right to question a god than i do. but what did my little friend do? he told me the story of christmas and jesus' birth. belief systems are very dangerous because they tackle both of the most important life motivators: fear and faith.

this is one of my many new friends..................hamilton!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

don't worry, i love pizza

me last night: "what is this? a wine?" chug.

Friday, December 5, 2008

winter is hard

i wish i was a grizzly bear
i'd sleep through winter without a care.
curled up in a little cave,
there are no bees or traps.
in my warm and hidden cave
there are only dreams and naps.
cubs can use me as a bed
as long as none fall on my head.
i ate a lot of berries and food
for a seasonal sleep,
to keep me from you.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


oh look! i just got home from california. i forgot about rain while i was there. i like rain though. airports are so interesting. almost everyone has to fly sometime, even monks.

i was going to write about a funny situation that happened last month at work, but haven't found the time. i guess i could now. sadly, i wasn't there, so this might not be very accurate. but why would you care? because you think i'm a liar? well i'm not and you should be glad i'm not. i would be so good at lying if i did. i would convince you that i have a tribe of
supermodels carry me everywhere i go, mainly because i'm not attracted to them. i would let them carry me to build shoulder strength. while being carried i would do as many good deeds as i could like helping old ladies across the street, pointing at cats, not sneezing too loud, and putting cilantro on peoples' meals for free.

so wolfgang, bumble (she likes honey alcohol. a lot.), and i were hanging out in the lobby after a fourteen hour day of work. we heard screaming and reckless bumping around in the hallway behind the locked door. kernal looked through a window and saw that one of our more confused clients was naked and running around in the hallway. the three of them went to resolve the situation and i didn't have to because i am a man. when she was safely secured, i went on to the unit that she so abruptly left to see the aftermath. i found one sock, an open bag of popcorn strewn about, a hannah montana water bottle, and a tiny bit of vomit. i laughed while i tried to reverse engineer the situation.

i left after that. later at our slumber party, wolfgang and bumble took me on a journey of wonder, anger, and pure inspiration with their story of what happened after i left. editor's note: the tubby little girl who was the star of this life movie has chromosomal defects similar to downs syndrome. she has the physical characteristics that suggest this i.e. eyes far apart, cleft lip. when in public or at school, she is required to wear a harness that has a hot air balloon patch on it. there was a time in which she wore a helmet in addition to said harness. editor thinks this is adorable.

this is a dramatization since i wasn't there. so i guess the little one now known as perrywinkle finally calmed down and put on her moo moo/night gown. since she hadn't bathed in like a day, staff (k,w,and b) decided to encourage a bath which she surprisingly went for. while in the bathroom, she said that she wanted to turn off the lights. kernal told her that if she turned off the lights, that staff would have to be in the bathroom with her instead of right outside the propped open door. she agreed so i think tw
o staff stayed in there, in the dark, with a rotund little monster in the tub. after a few minutes of eerie silence, someone decided to turn on the lights to see what was actually going on.

when the lights came on, perrywinkle was in slow bite mode, just inches away from staff's arm. she was out of the tub and i think i heard that she urinated on the ground as well. after that i think she was in another naked restraint and that's where i stopped listening. i guess it took a long time to get her to bed because we started our drunk slumber party at like three in the morning.

oh..job. i got a new one actually. it's with the same company, but i won't be working in the lock down place anymore which is bittersweet.

are there any good guitarists in portland?

here is a picture of me that i like because it kind of looks like i have a mustache.