Tuesday, October 28, 2008


while i still think knives are more intimate, guns are pretty awesome to shoot. i just learned this. i shot some targets very hard.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

t.i. tip harris

we need to talk. it's been too long girl. my outlook on life has changed significantly. i have decided that while shooting yourself in the face can be appealing, you can still have control of your mortality and die in much funnier or more brutal ways. so i enjoy life much more now. there's a lot more to that, but that's all you get internet!

'member that kid i told you about who i really like who tried to trap me? yeah i didn't think so, but he returned anyway. he will forever be known as tabby. he came back thinking the place would be a juice party, but we made sure to not let that happen and be as boring as possible so he would want to leave. tabby told me last night that he might come back again but i reiterated to him, as i'm sure kernal did, that he shouldn't and doesn't need to.

my music building has been progressing, or to be more accurate, regressing quite nicely. i have realized that some of the things i write or program are very involved. editing is difficult, but important. if you are a perfectionist it is very hard. i have also learned how to be disappointed when i don't work on music or do anything productive for a day. motivation rules. i think i'm going to buy one house soon.

i also have a new friend! wolfgang and i hang out a lot. we try to get more people to chill wit'us but no one really does. it's cool though, we can talk about whatever the b we want.

i hate aids! it reminds me that i need to get my tattoo of an ****** s******* a *****y. a puzzle!

i bought alcohol for the first time in my life and it was sad. it was a total big moment. i felt like a kid in a grown man's body. i got confused when they asked for my identification and i probably had that look on my face that i was trying to look like i knew what i was doing, but everyone including me knew that i didn't.

cats need to get their priorities straight. i don't trust them one bit. if you see one, point at it until it goes away. that's what i do.

catch ya later!

a tattoo i was given after an inappropriate amount of jameson fine irish whiskey. (not whiskrey like i previously wrote). it's scary so if you're little, don't look.

Friday, October 17, 2008


we had a tough guy. he left today.

"the only time i ever had to break anyone's neck was when i was getting shot at"

"when i get in fights, i get close to my opponents by spinning"

he was also into drugs.

"yeah, my friend has a spongebob bong. it's awesome."

i'm getting better at talking with a straight face when gems like these are produced. his mom told us that he smoked weed once and that he got in big trouble.

Monday, October 13, 2008


one thing i hate about life is that sometimes it is absolutely necessary be a jerk.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


holy s! look what science did. that little dot in the corner may be capable of supporting life. it is in a solar system 500 light years from earth. it is estimated to be bigger than jupiter, and jupiter is the biggest planet in our solar system. it is statistically impossible to not think that there is life, aside from that on earth, in our entire universe. life is a broad term. i recently read the lacerta files and while i am still extremely skeptical, it shows dedication and/or imagination. or that the "interviewer" was on peyote. this planet could be a huge discovery! or not.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

girl bobbies*

our resident ducksman told us a funny story about one of our more acute, and clinically psychotic, clients. his name will now be calico.

apparently during room time, one of the staff heard calico singing along loudly to the chorus of "war" by edwin starr. staff checked in on him and told him that they liked that song. they asked if they could see his mp3 player and he was actually listening to "sweet home alabama" by lynyrd skynard. his mp3 player didn't even have "war" on it.

on a somewhat related note, i really realized the importance music plays in my life today. i was getting maintanance done on my car, and i forgot to take my cds with me because i didn't think my rental car would have a player. i forgot that it was 2008. anyways, the garage took longer than anticipated and i had to listen to the radio for a few days. i haven't listened to the radio in at least five years, and i really don't miss it. i was really sad to get in my 2007 chevy cobalt not only because of that fact, but also because i couldn't listen to my music. the minor inconveniences of not liking radio-friendly music! and i know what you're thinking alfred einsteen, but my computer isn't burning cds right now. :[ but thanks anyway!

*this title is what one of our clients typed in when he was searching for online porn at home.

Monday, October 6, 2008

she bit me

some people just don't do mornings. siamese is one of them. she isn't even five feet tall and can't weigh more than a hundred pounds. however, she has at least ten counts of assault filed against her. she has put seven of our employees in the hospital and one is still on worker's comp.

on saturday, she got frustrated and thought that punching me in the chest for no reason was a good idea. kernal put her in a one person hold and then i got her other arm so we could take her off the unit. on the way out, she bit my arm with her filthy little mouth. instead of following protocol, i said f it and tore my arm out of her bacteria cave.

me and two other employees got bit and kicked multiple times after for about 30 minutes straight. one got bit right on the knuckle. it sounded as she described "like someone eating chicken".

polices came and took siamese away in handcuffs for good. after that, all three of us had to go to hospital and i had to list my reason for being there as "human bite". i thought it sounded cool and accurate. the lazy doctor cleaned my wound and i had to get a blood draw. also, to be on the safe side, i elected to take anti-biotics. they suck. they are oval and huge. i have to take them twice a day.

here is evidence. sorry, i'm not very good at bruising, but i think it kind of looks like a profile view of a reptile man.

Sunday, October 5, 2008


puppy fan

i have been too busy to write about this earlier, but it is too funny to be omitted. our foul mouthed little client tried to attack one of his peers on friday. we had to put him in a hold and take him to another empty unit. we let him free on the other unit and he would punch staff in the genitals. it is undecided whether he does this because it matches his height or because he is an evil guy.

he found a wash cloth and took it to the sink to get it wet. once it was soaking wet, he would hit us with it. i'm glad he didn't know how to use it as a whip. i tried to play tug of war with him as a distraction when i got a hold of the wash cloth. it worked for a little bit, but he grew tired of it. after a while, the kernal and i just hung out in the office with the door locked. this upset the tiny one, so he did what anyone would do.

after he took off his sweatpants, he started climbing the office window. it was ok he still had on a shirt with a picture of a golden retriever puppy that said "man's best duck hunter". so staff and i were discussing what we were going to do while a tiny dong was at our eye level. he finally got down, but was saying that he had to go to the bathroom. i told him i could let him in. he told me to f off and stood in front of the door that i needed to use to get out. i told him that if he would let me out, i could let him in the bathroom. he swore some more and said that he would go right there. he peed all over the floor in front of the office door and then continued to walk around with his shirt on, but no pants. it was hard to take him seriously when he swore and called us a holes. eventually, he was completely naked for a while, but we got him to calm down with some clothes and gogurt. the kernal's favorite of his quotes is this one: "i want my fuckin gogurt, i want to fuckin kill myself, and i want my fuckin diet soda!" i guess the order (concerning both the request and time received) is irrelevant?

Friday, October 3, 2008


oh man these last few weeks have been crazy. everyone has been assaulted, bit, injured, or contracted some ailment.

i got a phone call yesterday from frank grimes' mom. she wants to return him. she said that he was punching her and her husband. she said he also grabbed a knife and said he was going to kill them and himself. it is really weird to hear those stories. i believe the parents, but the only problem frank ever showed us was licking his lips too much. he had a little red goatee every time i would see him and i would have to put ointment on his lips. he also liked to hide behind chairs. it was easy because he is small like a bug.

there is only one more kid who is a bit troublesome at the moment; the rest have left. he claims to be a "puppy fan" and also has the dirtiest mouth i have ever heard on a youngling. he called me a d bag m effer when i told him i would get him a game boy. it is kind of funny at this point, but i don't think the real world will see it that way.

this month is breeds of cats.