racist-ed

black lady sitting on her lawn: "hey are you guys twins or just both handsome?" (she was adressing me and one of my twelve year old kids who is blonde and taller than me)

me: "haha. we're twins"

black lady sitting on her lawn: "really?! are you serious?"

me: "no. we're not twins."

black lady sitting on her lawn: "well i don't know. you all look alike to me."

me: haha! (awkwardly)

have you ever seen this before?

just so i have more than one entry this month

i am giving serious consideration to buying a house that i viewed last week. it is farther away from things that i would like, but it does have four rooms and a cottage in the back. also, it is on a quarter acre. we will see. how are you? good i hope.

i am single again and it is a little weird. i haven't done it in a while and am getting back into the swing of things. i am still neglecting some things that someone like myself needs to focus on. it is still easy for me to be lazy. that needs to change.

my bike will be here tomorrow and i will be a bikesmith!

i thought of an idea for a music video today. it would be a bunch of those inflatable tubesmen watching a band perform and flailing around . i think that it could look cool slowed down or sped up depending on the structure of the song. plus they have better hair than most people.

now i have to contest a parking ticket that i was wrongfully given. oh hello, what's your name? the law? well you should f yourself. (that is a detailed synopsis of my letter).

nifs

i'm pretty much just scraping by when it comes to paying for my life. i am living from paycheck to paycheck and have limited life choices. it's okay though, i'm flipping the script and buying a house. this way, people will pay me to buy land for me. it is funny to me that that is a thing that can happen. everyone should do it. after i find a place, of course.

i have been planning ahead and thinking about home security. i don't think my two future pembroke welsh corgis (scraps and richardson) will be able to defend me from bikers on pcp who will obviously want to steal my land with their harley davidson flags.

i only started thinking about home security a few days ago. strangely, i came home last night and our back door was unlocked. some random lights were on, but everything else was turned off. our dog was acting like he heard things far away and i went into survival mode. i texted my roommate and told her that i will call her in five minutes and if i don't, to call the policemen. i took off my shirt (less to grab), and replaced it with my scariest face. also, i grabbed my biggest knife. nicole gave it to me for my birthday. i took off my jangly keys and hid them so no one could take my car if they got a hold of them. i searched every room and covered every angle. no one was there. silly me! i live for danger sometimes.

recently, i also tried guacamole for the first time. it isn't bad. it's weird, but provides a fresh zing to dishes such as nachos. keepitrealimout!

gimbles

i know, i've been neglecting you. i have been very busy. although sometimes it doesn't seem like it. this last month i was offered six jobs, maintaining the one i have now, working on music, undergoing the process of buying land, planning a vacation, and still trying to maintain a social life.

i've been gaining weight, which i'm tired of, but i'm also getting a bike soon, so that should slim me up a little. i have also really been into lemonade all of the sudden. it is a good summer drink. recently, i have been listening to bloc party. it is a pretty portland thing to do, but i think intimacy is a great album. sorry.

my vacation should be fun. i get to see our new dog for the first time ever, but we have had her since christmas. i was told that my mom would hold up a bell and the puppy would run up to it, touch it with her nose, and run away from the sound. i hope she still does that, because it is a fun game that i would like to play. we could take turns. we are going to my home town and then going to la. we are going to wrap up the trip by going to horse the band's cd release show. i am very excited about that since i haven't seen or heard those guys in like 2 years. i am buying gifts for the occasion.

last night i was drinking lemonade and vodka. it was fun. i took the bus so that i could drink. is it a rule if you're homeless that you have to sag your pants until everyone can see your butt? this seems to be popular. is it really hard to find a belt-like substitute? rope is a plentiful commodity. i'm sure there is rope in garbage cans and dumpsters. people throw it out all the time. newspapers that are received every day come wrapped in rope. i'm sure ross dress for less has thrown out useful belts. come on hobos. anyways, after drinking too much, i ended up on 82nd avenue. it is a dangerous avenue and full of uncertainty. i really wanted hostess donettes and bought some at 7-11. while walking down 82nd, i offered everyone donettes, because i was in a sharing mood. also, it helps to act crazy because no one will f with you. nobody wanted my donettes. not even gangsters. but everyone was nice.

a few days ago, i took one of my kids out for a visit. while in the car, he just showed me like 14 of the hairs from his head. he said "look, it's my hair." not surprised, i asked him why and he said "did you know you could just pull out your own hair?" i told him that i did, in fact, know that you could just pull out your own hair. he asked if he kept pulling large amounts of his hair, if his head would bleed. i told him that that was a strong possibility. he insisted on pulling one more single hair out. so in case you didn't know, you can just pull out your own hair. be careful with this new found freedom though.

yuk

picture what is in your stomach right now. isn't that gross?

hey dad

does anyone else here hate the classification of "life partners"?

what is up with pcp? i'm going to research it for fun.

another thing i researched recently was "the vapors". not the band, the fake ailment from the days of old. it is hilarious. it was the reason vibrators were invented. isn't that a weird fact?

i got bees

i went to very north portland yesterday and learned a lot about bees. one of my client's foster dad is a beekeeper, or beesmith. he told me all about his italian bees and what their deal is. he keeps his bees at this commune like place where the shower and toilet just chill in the wide open. if you drive by, you could see naked people who i'm sure are extremely hairy! that's out of line, i just grossed myself out.

the beesman explained to me that male bees basically don't do anything. they are called drones and don't even have butt knives. only the females (or workers) can sting you with their sharp butts. a female one put her sharp butt in my neck while i was just standing still.

while the females and queens are pretty bad a, i think that the males are my favorite because it is their job to get excited. sometimes drones have to find a new place to live. they fly around and search for a new house. when they find one, they return to the group to dance about it. they pretty much have to explain their new possible house through the hilarious art form of bee dancing. whoever dances and gets excited the best, has their place chosen. humans should do this. we could learn a lot from bees. don't get me started on bee dongs though. ouch. oh here is this kid: