i am a man

this month was a very difficult one. i am going to make it though.

when i moved to here a year ago, the only person i knew here told me not to talk to her or contact her ever again. i slept in my car and didn't have a job, a place to live, any idea about where i was, and i also didn't know a single person in the entire city. i was very sad but very determined. i would love anyone who talked to me and wanted to cry all the time. don't worry, i didn't. i haven't cried in like six years and i think that is awesome. i don't know if it is good though.

here i am, a year later and somehow, i still feel the same. almost all of my friends here either don't like me, don't want to hang out, or have better things to do. also, i messed up a lot because i have been drinking. some stuff is my fault, but i don't feel like it all is. i have just been carrying a lot of weight. these days have defined me though.

ugh, ok. enough of that. so i learned how to make a robot voice for my electronic song about supergrapes! i don't really know where to go with it lyrically, but i'm sure i'll figure something out. i don't know how much range i will have with said robot voice. i don't even know if i am going to sing it for that matter! it will sound bad because i am using a usb headset, not even a legit mic. when i finish it, i will probably email it to the supergrapes and call them dummies.

man, i hate a lot of things right now. i have been trying this new thing where when i get really angry or upset, i go to a happy tree in my brain. in the happy tree is a big awesome blue treehouse. it is where karen o and i make out and go to third base in. i don't know what third base is, because everyone has a different base system, but i don't care because karen o and i would be really good at communicating that sort of thing. we would understand eachother and appreciate such heated topics as chaos, love, existentialism, and jackets. she is so cool. and i am cool too according to my grandpa.