jcvd

oh look! i just got home from california. i forgot about rain while i was there. i like rain though. airports are so interesting. almost everyone has to fly sometime, even monks.

i was going to write about a funny situation that happened last month at work, but haven't found the time. i guess i could now. sadly, i wasn't there, so this might not be very accurate. but why would you care? because you think i'm a liar? well i'm not and you should be glad i'm not. i would be so good at lying if i did. i would convince you that i have a tribe of supermodels carry me everywhere i go, mainly because i'm not attracted to them. i would let them carry me to build shoulder strength. while being carried i would do as many good deeds as i could like helping old ladies across the street, pointing at cats, not sneezing too loud, and putting cilantro on peoples' meals for free.

so wolfgang, bumble (she likes honey alcohol. a lot.), and i were hanging out in the lobby after a fourteen hour day of work. we heard screaming and reckless bumping around in the hallway behind the locked door. kernal looked through a window and saw that one of our more confused clients was naked and running around in the hallway. the three of them went to resolve the situation and i didn't have to because i am a man. when she was safely secured, i went on to the unit that she so abruptly left to see the aftermath. i found one sock, an open bag of popcorn strewn about, a hannah montana water bottle, and a tiny bit of vomit. i laughed while i tried to reverse engineer the situation.

i left after that. later at our slumber party, wolfgang and bumble took me on a journey of wonder, anger, and pure inspiration with their story of what happened after i left. editor's note: the tubby little girl who was the star of this life movie has chromosomal defects similar to downs syndrome. she has the physical characteristics that suggest this i.e. eyes far apart, cleft lip. when in public or at school, she is required to wear a harness that has a hot air balloon patch on it. there was a time in which she wore a helmet in addition to said harness. editor thinks this is adorable.

this is a dramatization since i wasn't there. so i guess the little one now known as perrywinkle finally calmed down and put on her moo moo/night gown. since she hadn't bathed in like a day, staff (k,w,and b) decided to encourage a bath which she surprisingly went for. while in the bathroom, she said that she wanted to turn off the lights. kernal told her that if she turned off the lights, that staff would have to be in the bathroom with her instead of right outside the propped open door. she agreed so i think two staff stayed in there, in the dark, with a rotund little monster in the tub. after a few minutes of eerie silence, someone decided to turn on the lights to see what was actually going on.

when the lights came on, perrywinkle was in slow bite mode, just inches away from staff's arm. she was out of the tub and i think i heard that she urinated on the ground as well. after that i think she was in another naked restraint and that's where i stopped listening. i guess it took a long time to get her to bed because we started our drunk slumber party at like three in the morning.

oh..job. i got a new one actually. it's with the same company, but i won't be working in the lock down place anymore which is bittersweet.

are there any good guitarists in portland?

here is a picture of me that i like because it kind of looks like i have a mustache.